Make crime pay. Become a lawyer.
Why don't they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from...
A man only learns in two ways one by reading and the other by association...
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government...
It's easy being a humorist when you've got the whole government working for...
If you make any money the government shoves you in the creek once a year...
Things in our country run in spite of government not by aid of it.
On account of being a democracy and run by the people we are the only nation...
I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.
Ohio claims they are due a president as they haven't had one since Taft. Look...
This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when...
Ancient Rome declined because it had a Senate now what's going to happen to...
When you put down the good things you ought to have done and leave out the...
We are all here for a spell get all the good laughs you can.
It's a good thing we don't get all the government we pay for.
Instead of giving money to found colleges to promote learning why don't they...
If I studied all my life I couldn't think up half the number of funny things...
Everything is funny as long as it's happening to somebody else.
I'm not a real movie star. I've still got the same wife I started out with...
I never expected to see the day when girls would get sunburned in the places...
Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.
I am not a member of any organized political party. I am a Democrat.
Don't gamble take all your savings and buy some good stock and hold it till...
So live that you wouldn't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town...
Intelligence is the faculty of making artificial objects especially tools to make tools.
