I understand and get when kids and teenagers feel like they're alone and it's not going to get better. My advice is that there is a support system out there there are a lot of people who have been through what you're going through and are going through it now.
The prudent course is to make an investment in learning testing and understanding determine how the new concepts compare to how you now operate and thoughtfully determine how they apply to what you want to achieve in the future.
