Both my grandmothers had upright pianos and I just knew how to play since I was a child. Nobody taught me. I sounded like a grown-up and then I learned how to read music. I played so well by ear I could fool the teacher to believe I could play the notes. She'd make the mistake of playing the song once and I could play it.
I realised how paranoid and guarded and not trusting - walled-in - I had become. Not consciously so but just this armour that I kind of have protective armour. It's not for my friends or family but for being.outside in the world always on guard.