Comedy's so subjective and if someone comes to watch doesn't get it doesn't find it funny then fine.

I always like to watch comics and it's interesting that you can tell if someone's funny in 10 seconds.

Without hurting anybody we all tend to laugh at others' discomfort. When someone slips on a banana skin and falls it's funny.

I love readings and my readers but the din of voices of the audience gives me stage fright and the din of voices inside whisper that I am a fraud and that the jig is up. Surely someone will rise up from the audience and say out loud that not only am I not funny and helpful but I'm annoying and a phony.

I know what Germans are. They are a funny people. They are always choosing someone to lead them in a direction which they do not want to go.

It's always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it's just hilarious.

Someone told me that when they go to Vermont they feel like they're home. I'm that way at Saks.

My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.

My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.

A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.

People instantly assume you can't have a platonic friendship with someone of the opposite sex. I think this may be specific to L.A. - or America.

If you're going through friendship issues I would say first of all take a step back. How important is the friendship to you? Sometimes if someone's not being a good friend to you and isn't treating you the way you should be treated then you kind of have to move on sometimes.

When I was growing up my mother was always a friend to my siblings and me (in addition to being all the other things a mom is) and I was always grateful for that because I knew she was someone I could talk to and joke with and argue with and that nothing would ever harm that friendship.

I have a loyalty that runs in my bloodstream when I lock into someone or something you can't get me away from it because I commit that thoroughly. That's in friendship that's a deal that's a commitment. Don't give me paper - I can get the same lawyer who drew it up to break it. But if you shake my hand that's for life.

Friendship is two-sided. It isn't a friend just because someone's doing something nice for you. That's a nice person. There's friendship when you do for each other. It's like marriage - it's two-sided.

Rejoicing in our joy not suffering over our suffering makes someone a friend.

A true friend is someone who is there for you when he'd rather be anywhere else.

Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.

While it's really hard to do at the same time I'm escaping my body which I really want to do. I'm living someone else's life. I get very intensely into the story into the interviews and the research. I'm experiencing things along with my subjects. I have a freedom I don't have in my physical life.

They have called Operation Iraqi Freedom a war of choice that isn't part of the real war on terror. Someone should tell that to al Qaeda.

A lot of people out there pay good lip service to the idea of personal freedom... right up to the point that someone tries to do something that they don't personally approve of.

Fiction is such a world of freedom it's wonderful. If you want someone to fly they can fly.

A Buddha is someone who finds freedom in good fortune and bad.

Freedom isn't free. It shouldn't be a bragging point that 'Oh I don't get involved in politics ' as if that makes someone cleaner. No that makes you derelict of duty in a republic. Liars and panderers in government would have a much harder time of it if so many people didn't insist on their right to remain ignorant and blindly agreeable.