It's funny when people say 'I don't think Julia likes me.' Honey if I don't like you you're going to know about it.

I was so afraid to even read a paper in front of my classmates. It is very funny because at that point my teachers would never have believed that I could speak in front of an audience of over 2 000 people.

I know what Germans are. They are a funny people. They are always choosing someone to lead them in a direction which they do not want to go.

If you tell the truth about how you're feeling it becomes funny.

The people I grew up around who I really liked were quick on the draw. It always just wowed me. And my mum would make weird funny comments. I can see in myself her self-deprecating hippie humour. I can't take myself too seriously.

Do I have a long-term plan? Kind of. I have a general direction I think. But it's funny what comes down the pike.

It's funny. You succeed but now where are you gonna go from there? I've got to keep proving that I can laugh or cry more real each time.

Karaoke isn't fair when you're a comedian. The whole idea is to get people laughing and enjoying themselves and I'm a professional funny guy.

Hollywood's just not funny.

A good artist is willing to die many times over. What's funny is I've died so many times.

One time I went into a restroom and a girl followed me in. I signed an autograph for her in the sink. It was pretty funny because she was in a guy's restroom and she wasn't embarrassed at all.

I never smoked. I never drank and I never took drugs. The funny thing is nothing is more boring people like this. For me it's OK. But most of my friends at least they smoke and drink.

I wear black skinny-fit jeans - I can't get away from them. It's funny because I wore baggy jeans for ages then one day my friend convinced me to try on a skinny pair and I thought they were great.

It's hard to lead a cavalry charge if you think you look funny on a horse.

The comedians I liked were Bill Cosby and Steven Wright like just always as a comedic actor. I always liked Gary Larson who's really funny for a cartoonist obviously.

I think since I was kid people told me that they thought I was funny.

I think a lot of stuff I find funny is from day dreaming.

Stand up is really fun because if I think of a joke or a funny idea then I can just go and tell some people and if they laugh they laugh right away.

Jon Stewart is exactly the same guy he's always been only with money. He knows that the moment he really believes he's important the funny goes away and he becomes Bill O'Reilly except shorter and Jewish.

Cheryl Cole and Katy Perry are two of the hottest girls in the world - and so normal and funny with it. If I was a few years older they are the kind of girls I'd like to date. I want a younger version of Cheryl and Katy - a mixture of the two would be hot.

Funny is only something that others know about you - you can't be funny by yourself.

Keep your sense of humor my friend if you don't have a sense of humor it just isn't funny anymore.

Do you know it's funny but I never thought of being blind as a disadvantage and I never thought of being black as a disadvantage.

Being funny is one of my greatest strengths. I can make girls smile when they're down and when they're having a good time I can carry on the joke.