Jon Stewart is exactly the same guy he's always been only with money. He knows that the moment he really believes he's important the funny goes away and he becomes Bill O'Reilly except shorter and Jewish.

In my circle of friends I've always been loud and funny and talkative. But as soon as I step out of that circle I get very quiet and introspective. I don't want the spotlight on me.

I could party in a cardboard box with people who are funny and don't care. For me it's really about who I surround myself with so I just try to always be with hilarious people.

I know some people say I can be funny. But there is always a deeper meaning to what I say. I am a socialist at heart and have the interests of the poor in mind. When people see how I manage to work my way out of tough situations it gives them hope in their own life.

I got a lot of support from my parents. That's the one thing I always appreciated. They didn't tell me I was being stupid they told me I was being funny.

It's always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it's just hilarious.

It's funny how you never think about the women you've had. It's always the ones who get away that you can't forget.

It is funny that men who are supposed to be scientific cannot get themselves to realise the basic principle of physics that action and reaction are equal and opposite that when you persecute people you always rouse them to be strong and stronger.

I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.

People always ask me 'Were you funny as a child?' Well no I was an accountant.

If you want to be thought a liar always tell the truth.

When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.

In comic strips the person on the left always speaks first.

Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.

Always end the name of your child with a vowel so that when you yell the name will carry.

I always wanted to be somebody but now I realize I should have been more specific.

I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks they are always locking three.

Between two evils I always pick the one I never tried before.

A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.

I know I was a great friend to Tiger Woods. But when you have a relationship that's involves business and friendship - and the business part comes to an end - things always get a little blurry.

My films are always concerned with family friendship honor and patriotism.

But as I was saying from my experiences I think men tend to be more timid in expressing their feelings for you. Regardless I always prefer a friendship first and foremost.

In my public service I treasure my friendship with law enforcement officers. I admire what they do and support them in every aspect of their job. I have always looked upon law enforcement officers as my friends.

When I was growing up my mother was always a friend to my siblings and me (in addition to being all the other things a mom is) and I was always grateful for that because I knew she was someone I could talk to and joke with and argue with and that nothing would ever harm that friendship.