If I went to them all dressed up and flashed a nice smile for the cameras it would probably be easier for me to get work. But I just can't tolerate it.

I became very famous as a teenager and my name and photo were splashed in all the media. They made me larger than life so I wanted to live larger than life and the only way to do that was to be intoxicated.

What I needed most was to love and to be loved eager to be caught. Happily I wrapped those painful bonds around me and sure enough I would be lashed with the red-hot pokers or jealousy by suspicions and fear by burst of anger and quarrels.