I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist two plumbers and a bartender.

My mother sent me to psychiatrists since the age of four because she didn't think little boys should be sad. When my brother was born I stared out the window for days. Can you imagine that?

There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face.

I myself spent nine years in an insane asylum and I never had the obsession of suicide but I know that each conversation with a psychiatrist every morning at the time of his visit made me want to hang myself realizing that I would not be able to cut his throat.

I first wanted to be a psychiatrist. I decided against that in medical school when I discovered that psychiatrists didn't in reality do what they did on TV.

A psychiatrist asks a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing.

If you're working out in front of a mirror and watching your muscles grow your ego has reached a point where it is now eating itself. That's why I believe there should be a psychiatrist at every health club so that when they see you doing this they will take you away for a little chat.

Now I need to take a piece of wood and make it sound like the railroad track but I also had to make it beautiful and lovable so that a person playing it would think of it in terms of his mistress a bartender his wife a good psychiatrist - whatever.

The usual comment from psychologists and psychiatrists was that it's best not to encourage people to look at their dreams because they are liable to stir up problems for themselves.

If the nineteenth century was the age of the editorial chair ours is the century of the psychiatrist's couch.