Until you walk a mile in another man's moccasins you can't imagine the smell.
I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks.
If at first you don't succeed blame your parents.
I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those...
Boy those French: they have a different word for everything!
I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.
TV is chewing gum for the eyes.
If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth inventor of television we'd still be...
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
I'd luv to kiss ya but I just washed my hair.
Never raise your hand to your children - it leaves your midsection unprotected.
One man's folly is another man's wife.
You see much more of your children once they leave home.
Drawing on my fine command of the English language I said nothing.
Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV.
All the candy corn that was ever made was made in 1911.
Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease.
If I had to live my life again I'd make the same mistakes only sooner.
People always ask me 'Were you funny as a child?' Well no I was an...
There's no better feeling in the world than a warm pizza box on your lap.
Do not let a flattering woman coax and wheedle you and deceive you she is...
I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things and I have...
Be obscure clearly.
You're only as good as your last haircut.
Yesterday's home runs don't win today's games.
