My little dog he did not get ill. It is so funny that people get ill on a boat and dogs do not.

We are supposed to enjoy the good stuff now while we can with the people we love. Life has a funny way of teaching us that lesson over and over again.

Some people say funny things but I say things funny.

I would call it a comedy variety show. We have some people just doing straight standup. We usually try to have one musical act of sort. So its just people being funny in different ways not just sketch not just standup not just characters all of those things.

It's funny how a chubby kid can just be having fun and people call it entertainment!

We all know funny people who can't get it down on the page - even funny writers who can't get it down on the page.

For some reason people find me funny. It's quite hard to define why a thought is funny. It's even harder to define why a person would be funny. It's a word that I can't define at all. But whether I know quite what it is or not I seem to be it.

So what I do now is to pre-empt that by making the up into a virtue and telling funny stories about how crap I am before people have a chance to notice it for themselves and think maybe I haven't realised.

I've been to many funerals of funny people and they're some of the funniest days you'll ever have because the emotions run high.

'Funny People' is my favorite performance of myself to date. Even though it's a comedy and there are serious moments I really felt like Leo felt like a real person. It didn't feel like I was playing myself. Whether it's a comedy or drama I just try to make it as realistic as possible.

We live in a funny time. If you don't go corporate you can't compete. You're relegated as irrelevant. People used to admire that.

I can't watch other people doing comedy. As soon as somebody starts being funny I have to turn off because it upsets me. I get comedy indigestion. I just hate anybody else being funny. That's my job.

People often ask me how I make things funny. I don't make things funny.

But with comedy it's a simple premise. If it's funny people laugh. If it's not they don't.

It's really funny because the same people who loved me as Stringer Bell were the same people that were watching 'Daddy's Little Girls' literally in tears.

Oh all the time when Victoria Wood and I did our series. There were people asking 'Can women be funny?' People still ask that. It's like asking: 'Can women breathe in and out?'

I've always enjoyed making people laugh. But in order for me to be funny I have to get ticked off about something.

But if something funny happens I can't resist. I have to tell the people.

There are so many funny women in the world and there has been for so many years so I'll be happy when people can just move on from that and things can just be 'comedies' and not 'female' or 'male ' and everyone gets an equal opportunity.

It's funny when people say you have sex appeal or call you the next Brad Pitt. I just laugh. I'm not that. I don't want to be that.

Women's humor seems to be a little more supportive. It's just kind of trying to make the other one laugh through funny voices and kind of talking about other people. I respond to that. I feel less like I'm going to get beat up in a room full of women than I do in a room full of guys.

I love funny people and when I'm with funny people or people who are amusing in their weirdness I love it. Because that to me is funny as opposed to someone who stops and says 'Hey let me tell you a joke.'

'Funny Games' was conceived as a provocation. My other films are different. If people feel my other films are or respond to them as provocation then that's quite different. 'Funny Games' is the only one of mine where my intention was to provoke the audience.

Sometimes people get mad at The Simpsons' subversive story telling but there's another message in there which is a celebration of making wild funny stories.