A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him 'At my age I don't even buy green bananas.'

Old age is an excellent time for outrage. My goal is to say or do at least one outrageous thing every week.

Old age is like everything else. To make a success of it you've got to start young.

Alas after a certain age every man is responsible for his face.

Every man over forty is a scoundrel.

Like everyone else who makes the mistake of getting older I begin each day with coffee and obituaries.