I really believe that all of us have a lot of darkness in our souls. Anger rage fear sadness. I don't think that's only reserved for people who have horrible upbringings. I think it really exists and is part of the human condition. I think in the course of your life you figure out ways to deal with that.
In Sleep we lie all naked and alone in Sleep we are united at the heart of night and darkness and we are strange and beautiful asleep for we are dying the darkness and we know no death.
Here's a thing about the death of your mother or anyone else you love: You can't anticipate how you'll feel afterward. People will tell you a few may be close to right none exactly right.