I believe life is a series of near misses. A lot of what we ascribe to luck is not luck at all. It's seizing the day and accepting responsibility for your future. It's seeing what other people don't see And pursuing that vision.

My parents taught me to never give up and to always believe that my future could be whatever I dreamt it to be.

Internationally President Obama has adopted an appeasement strategy. He believes America's role as leader in the world is a thing of the past. I believe a strong America must - and will - lead the future.

It's funny because 'The Book of Mormon' is 'The Book of Mormon' now. When I was doing it at the very beginning and I was a part of it for four years and always believed in it I never really knew if it was going to be more than a convention for 'South Park' fans.

I believe in a funny way the job of the novelist is to be out there on the fringes and speaking for an experience that has not really been spoken for.

I'm not a believer in the pratfall. I don't think it's funny just to have someone fall down.

Yes I believe blue material is funny but if that's all you've got you're dead in the water. It's not good.

I don't believe that anybody has come to a conclusion on why something is funny. It's funny because it's ridiculous and it's ridiculous for different reasons at different times.

Here is my prescription to heal all wounds. Watch the film 'Funny Girl' at least five times eat at least 45 chocolate bars and hang out with all those friends you blew off to hang out with your ex. I truly believe that through a combination of Nutella old pals and Barbra Streisand we can achieve happiness and very probably world peace.

Being funny it turns out is like being a bank. It's a confidence trick. As long as everyone believes in you you are fine.

When I was a little kid I wrote this play about all these characters living in a haunted house. There was a witch who lived there and a mummy. When they were all hassling him this guy who bought the house - I can't believe I remember this - he said to them 'Who's paying the mortgage on this haunted house?' I thought that was really funny.

I was so afraid to even read a paper in front of my classmates. It is very funny because at that point my teachers would never have believed that I could speak in front of an audience of over 2 000 people.

Jon Stewart is exactly the same guy he's always been only with money. He knows that the moment he really believes he's important the funny goes away and he becomes Bill O'Reilly except shorter and Jewish.

It is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man.

I no doubt deserved my enemies but I don't believe I deserved my friends.

I believe that if life gives you lemons you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka and have a party.

Sincere friendship towards God in all who believe him to be properly an intelligent willing being does most apparently directly and strongly incline to prayer and it no less disposes the heart strongly to desire to have our infinitely glorious.

As told in Friendship with God if we simply decided to believe and act as if first we're all one and second life is eternal it would render virtually everything we've done all our lives pointless.

Friendship like the immortality of the soul is too good to be believed.

It is important to our friends to believe that we are unreservedly frank with them and important to friendship that we are not.

Never explain - your friends do not need it and your enemies will not believe you anyway.

The main thing I believe in is freedom.

When I went off to the army when I was 17 years old I believed in America and the rights of freedom. But today I believe my government is lying to the American people and that my president George Bush is a criminal.

I am optimistic that peace can be achieved in the region because I believe that every society on earth can be free and that if freedom comes to the Middle East there can be peace.