There's no such thing as soy milk. It's soy juice.
There's nothing wrong with being shallow as long as you're insightful about it.
Communism is like one big phone company.
Television has brought back murder into the home - where it belongs.
In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.
The four building blocks of the universe are fire water gravel and vinyl.
Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had...
I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was it was my own.
My uncle Sammy was an angry man. He had printed on his tombstone: What are...
God did not intend religion to be an exercise club.
My theory is that all of Scottish cuisine is based on a dare.
I spent a year in that town one Sunday.
I like marriage. The idea.
I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a...
I've never been married but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think...
Have enough sense to know ahead of time when your skills will not extend to...
Television has changed the American child from an irresistable force to an...
Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for...
Flattery is like cologne water to be smelt not swallowed.
If God wanted us to fly He would have given us tickets.
The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce....
Never floss with a stranger.
Every man has his follies - and often they are the most interesting thing he...
I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.
We all wish we could be in more than one place at the same time. People with families feel guilty all the time-if we spend too much time with our family we feel we're not working hard enough.
